You are not logged in or registered. Please login or register to use the full functionality of this board...


For our engineer members
#1

1. Normal people believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it. 

Engineers believe that if it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough features yet. 


2. To the optimist, the glass is half-full. 
To the pessimist, the glass is half-empty. 
To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be. 

3. A priest, a doctor, and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers. The engineer fumed, "What's with those guys? We must have been waiting for fifteen minutes!" 
The doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such inept golf!" 
The priest said, "Here comes the green-keeper. Let's have a word with him." 
He said, "Hello George, what's wrong with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow, aren't they?" 
The green-keeper replied, "Oh, yes. That's a group of blind firemen. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime." 
The group fell silent for a moment. 
The priest said, "That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight." 
The doctor said, "Good idea. I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist colleague and see if there's anything he can do for them." 
The engineer said, "Why can't they play at night?" 

4. What is the difference between mechanical engineers and civil engineers? 
Mechanical engineers build weapons. Civil engineers build targets. 

5. The graduate with a science degree asks, "Why does it work?" 
The graduate with an engineering degree asks, "How does it work?" 
The graduate with an accounting degree asks, "How much will it cost?" 
The graduate with an arts degree asks, "Do you want fries with that?" 

6. Three engineering students were gathered together discussing who must have designed the human body. 
One said, "It was a mechanical engineer. Just look at all the joints." 
Another said, "No, it was an electrical engineer. The nervous system has many thousands of electrical connections." 
The last one said, "No, actually it had to have been a civil engineer. Who else would run a toxic waste pipeline through a recreational area?" 

7. Knock knock. Who's there? Interrupting coefficient of friction. Interrupting coefficient of fri.... mmmuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu (μ)

8. Two engineering students were walking across a university campus when one said, "Where did you get such a great bike?" 
The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday, minding my own business, when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike, threw it to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, "Take what you want." 
The first engineer nodded approvingly and said, "Good choice; the clothes probably wouldn't have fit you anyway." 


9. An engineer was crossing a road one day, when a frog called out to him and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess." He bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket. 
The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess, I'll stay with you for one week and do ANYTHING you want." 
Again, the engineer took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket. 
Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter? I've told you I'm a beautiful princess and that I'll stay with you for one week and do anything you want. Why won't you kiss me?" 
The engineer said, "Look, I'm an engineer. I don't have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog, now that's cool."

10. A wife asks her husband, a software engineer...
"Could you please go shopping for me and buy one carton of milk, and if they have eggs, get 6!" A short time later the husband comes back with 6 cartons of milk. The wife asks him, "Why the heck did you buy 6 cartons of milk?" He replied, "They had eggs."



Have engineering friends? Share this with them by clicking below!

Marc Newman
Formerly Newell 422, 507, 512 701


Reply
#2

Hi Marc,

I am not an engineer! I am a recovering engineer! The first step to recovery is to admit that you have a problem. :-)

bill

Bill Johnson
Birmingham, Alabama
Reply
#3

I never thought about this until my wife and I were looking to buy a house in the Detroit area several years ago. One question that came up regularly was "are you or did work as an engineer"? Puzzled at this question I finally asked: "what's up with this engineer question". The response I got was the engineers as buyer always (an exaggeration I hope) expect the house to be perfect and complain like mad when it isn't. I learned to lie that I had not worked as an engineer but then had to live with not complaining about any house's shortcomings. If nothing else it made my wife happier.

The choice to move to the Detroit area was definitely not an engineering decision, but we love it nonetheless (well, at least my wife does)

Jon Kabbe
1993 coach 337 with Civic towed
Reply
#4

forum decorum wouldn't allow us to publish what engineers think about bankers Angel

Richard and Rhonda Entrekin
99 Newell, 512
Maverick Hybrid Toad
Inverness, FL (when we're home Cool )
Reply
#5

Richard touché

Marc Newman
Formerly Newell 422, 507, 512 701


Reply
#6

Dilbert - 'The Knack'

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=60P1xG32Feo

marc

marc & shari popejoy
western Oklahoma
1987 Newell #135
Reply
#7

Marc

I thought you were my friend? Lol

Doug and Melanie Matz
2015 45 Bunk Coach 1517
Toad Ford Flex
Reply
#8

Big Grin

I love engineers - where would the world be without them.

Besides - believe me I know sometimes you -just-can't-help-yourself.... Smile

marc & shari popejoy
western Oklahoma
1987 Newell #135
Reply
#9

Doug you are most definitely my friend. But honestly which one of those 10 is you? lol just kiddn

Marc Newman
Formerly Newell 422, 507, 512 701


Reply
#10

Simplified for those that may not be a fully ordained engineer.

   

Jimmy
Reply


Forum Jump:


Users browsing this thread: 1 Guest(s)